Tahira, my dearest, my desire…
My heart thrills, to hear you say “I love you,” to hear you call me “my love.” For I love you, with all my heart and soul, all my gentleness and fire. I love you, Tahira, my longed-for. I love you with every iota of tenderness, of desire, of calm seas and burning flames. My patience and my heart will never leave you, summer-dancer, rain-singer; you have my love forever. My heart’s desire is to love you, cherish you, be the place where your wings are free to spread and you are free to fly. To live and love with you and share forever with you.
Oh Tahira, my beautiful, my dreamed-of…I am here, running towards you with my arms reaching out to catch you and my heart beating in fiery joy. I will give you my strength, my love, my tenderness for all time. My heart will catch yours, O enchantress of my dreams, my eyes. I will catch you.
Yours, my love, yours forever
Aurelian
Aurelian,
You have captured my flickering heart in hands made of fire and steel. Never before have I truly loved a man. Never before, has my heart whispered to the winds “I am free to fly.” Never before have my quiet eyes filled and overflowed with complete trust.
My mind is sharp, my word a sword met equally by your own. In your heart I know beats the strength that I can bow to with grace. I can follow your lead. I can entrust my fear, my doubt, my life into your hands.
I love you. What I speak from my soul, you press back into my lips with knowing fingers. What I whisper in fear you draw from my clenched fists with gentle kisses. I love you. In my eyes you become the man my fragile body can lean on. More each day.
I love you.
Aurelian, my, Aurelian. This heart still trembles unknowing, then beats with fire declaring you to be the one. Still, you stand there always patient. In your love I am confident. In your love I am strong. I love you.
I am cascading through the air, racing, hair streaming, towards your waiting arms. I fall my love, I fall.
Catch me.
Yours,
Tahira
Tahira…
Tahira, dearest to my heart. Tahira, who dances with the moon in unknowable movements of beauty immortal.
I love you. With all my heart and soul, I love you. Anything you have been, anything that has been done to you, none of it can take away from the beautiful, wild, wondrous person you are. No spectre of the past, no twist or taint can diminish the untamed love that both burns and rests in my heart.
My love. I will never blame you for my pain. I will never withdraw my love from you. I could not withdraw it if I tore out my heart, could not deny it if faced with fates worse than death. My love is yours forever.
You cannot disappoint me, Tahira. I will not let expectations, perceptions of you, or ideas of what you should do become more important than you. Is that not what disappointment is? I will not be disappointed, for that would be to proclaim that any perceived failing is more important than being there for you, than loving you, than giving you my strength. I will not let such be more important than you.
Ah, my love. What are you to me? To me you are you, ever-growing, ever dancing, beautiful. I see the woman you are meant to be. But it is not fair, to love merely who you could become…Tahira, you deserve to be loved for who you are right now, regardless of who you were, regardless of who you will be, and that is how I love you. You are so very beautiful, my love. Tahira, with oceans in her eyes and enchantments in her wrists.
Tahira. If I should know that your feet are with the south wind, your voice to the north, and your hands to the east and west; if I should know that you are not to be tied down, that you are meant for beauty and wildness and magic and mystery and purpose and freedom..then know this.
Know this, my love, know it three times. I do not seek to tie you down, but to protect you against those who would, I seek not to subdue you but to cherish you. I am the wind, my love. My longing is to support your hands, to give strength to your arms and make light your tasks. My longing is to shout and sing with your voice, the songs of our souls carrying over the earth. My longing is to run with you, to carry you when your feet cannot, to be a place of rest when they grow tired and when the road grows rocky. To kiss your feet, to ease them, restore them. To restore you.
I am the wind. My eyes darken with love, as the darkening night protects the wild ones of the forest from their enemies, as the falling darkness invites magic, invites lovers, invites those such as I to watch over the one they love. I am the wind. My shout is the storm that scatters your enemies and my song is the rain that cools you and offers a rhythm to dance to. I am the wind, and my whisper is the dew sweet on the leaves, the fog that drifts across the back of your neck like loving fingertips. I am the wind, and my words of love are the light breeze through your hair, across your lips. I am the wind, and my voice in the evening as the moon brings night will seduce your lips and bring shivers to your skin. I am the wind, and my voice soft in the morning will be the kiss of butterflies over your skin, will tattoo adoration and devotion on your neck.
Tahira, you are the woman I love. You are the beauty my eyes and my fingertips and my lips desire. You are the heart my soul and spirit and my own heart long for. You are the woman whose destiny I want to share and with whom I want to share my own destiny.
I am the wind, and I am endless. My heart reaches out and offers my love, relentless, gentle, never-ending. It is yours for the taking.
Aurelian
Aurelian,
These words taste like arsenic on my tongue. I was emotionally abused. A picture torn and scattered on the floor. A flower deprived of sunlight until she agreed to grow in another direction. I have been twisted, taken, tainted by one whose eyes were dark with thunder. I have been the lightning slashing a city skyline. I became a silent shadow. I craved darkness and the nighttime. My bed an ocean of the words of lying eyes. My heart’s knowledge of love is fear and trembling. I do not know butterflies kissing the skin, I know ice slipping down my back, trembling behind glassy eyes. Denial in a bottle, I’ll take it by the shot. My addiction.
A grain of sand lost in the desert.
Will eyes your fill with cold water when I disappoint you? Will you deprive me of your love when things don’t seem to go your way? Will you blame me for your pain? Will I be the cause of all your pain?
What am I to you? Am I the woman I am meant to be. I can’t promise to have a firm grasp of my soul, but my fingers are strengthening. These eyes are so beautiful. I, I am so very beautiful.
Aurelian, you should know. My feet belong to the south wind, my voice to the north and my hands to the east and west. I am not to be tied down. I am meant for much greater things than this. I will spin the sunset into thread and weave into the stars all the hope of eternity. From a silent stone I will draw forth symphonies and soliloquies. With the leaves I will dance. In the rain I will spin. From scars I will paint stories. My skin tattooed with the history of every broken heart. I will be the happy ending for every greek tragedy. Persephone set free in a field of roses.
Aurelian, you should know. I drink the dew of the moon every morning. I bathe in the nectar of the midnight flower. I run with wild horses through mountain passages long forgotten.
I am free.
Always,
Tahira
Tahira
I have looked up at the stars and wondered. I have seen them and felt small, and meditated on heaven and earth. My love, your canvas may not be blank but it is beautiful. My eyes and my heart look upon you and smile to see your beauty. My fingers long to touch yours, skin to skin, and and press love against your hands.
Tahira, love of mine. Your eyes like oceans are perfect, lovely, and the wondrous heart of you shines through them. Sometimes, o summer-night dancer, the flask breaks, but the wine is not to blame.
My heart and my love are yours, and they joy in your smile, in your heart. Your self, your being, is beautiful from your soul to your skin, and my own soul’s desire is to love. To love and hold and guard you forever. The rush is already in my blood, my heart-singer. I will fall beside you, my gaze ever holding yours.
We will fall together.
Aurelian
Aurelian,
Have you ever stared into the sky at night and counted the stars? Have you ever wondered if the light seeping through are the holes made by the toes of angels dancing up there in heaven, and down here on earth we are reminded of something bigger. My fingers are stained with paint, my canvas isn’t blank this time round. There are drops of vermilion on my nose, a smear of sapphire beneath my left eye, blood red on my right shoulder.
I spent the night, wasted my time, on someone who shook my heart like a rag doll then put me on the shelf. I wandered his words, perused his pondering and I felt that question deep inside me. Am I a liar? Do these eyes like oceans wash up onto the shore scattered, broken shards that like lies do not hold together? Or, could I have been so blind as so pour myself into a breaking flask.
Never before have I smiled so easily. Even my doubts become wonder in the safety of your surrounding love. My heart stands wondering. Yet this cliff edge beckons and my wings are new, unsteady, and longing for adventure. Will you free fall by my side? Do not hold my hand, hold my gaze. Feel the rush.
Whispering softly,
Tahira
Tahira
I long for you. My heart lives in the closeness, the deep sharing of of pain and joy, in the strangeness of life. When you smile, my entire being smiles with you, when you are happy, my heart laughs. And when you are in pain, my soul aches to the very depths. I love you, Tahira. I do not ask you to say you love me, I do not ask that you bind your heart to mine. There will be time enough, when I have come and proven myself for you, when we meet and see if your heart falls for mine. For now, be free, my love, fly where you will. My heart will always be here for you to come back to.
Let your heart question, Tahira… My love will always be there, deep, fiery, true, for you to rest on.
Aurelian
Aurelian,
I have not yet felt your arms around me, heard the symphony of your heartbeat lull me into safe sleep… yet I know the lack of you would bring my life to its knees. You are the whisper in my ear in every moment. Each word I read, each voice I hear, each pain and joy and moment off the strangeness of life I memorize to whisper to you the second I come home. To say you know the depths of me is to say that grass grows when watered, that a tree longs for rich soil. I cannot say that I love you, for my heart is still questioning, selfish, but…. your heart is becoming like the palms of my own hands, familiar, close to me, something I rely on effortlessly without thinking to lift, carry, cradle and protect everything in me. I long for you, though I try desperately to convince my heart that I am a strong island. I long for you.
Always.
Tahira
Tahira
My heart reaches out across the ocean between us, catching your tears and holding them dear, every tear falling like a snowflake yet imprinting on my heart…oh Tahira, my heart and soul reach out, longing to ease your hurts, longing to soothe your trembling heart and hold it close and precious. My spirit reaches out to the wounded and wary doe, offering rest. The depths of my heart hold tenderness and devotion, thoughtfulness and care, peace and passion. My passion is love, and my love is gentleness, and my gentleness is strength. Singing I will break the dawn, the music of my heart and my love flooding the day as the first rays of the sun flood the sky. My heart’s song will carry to you and warm you and surround you, and you will know I have come to love you.
My innermost being is singing, of my love for you.
Aurelian
Aurelian,
My tears are falling, and this distance does not provide the arms to hold me close. My heart trembles, Autumn leaves in the wind. Will I ever trust again? I see your eyes and a voice in my fingers whispers to the page, “you might trust him.” I hear your voice gently carrying over this long journey, and my fingers whisper into life “he could be the one.” Show me the depths of your heart, surround me in your passions, let your song ring out so loud and clear the mountains shatter in your wake. I look up and see the mast breaking the dawn, and as your ship comes into harbour I will know that you, have come to love me.
Tahira
Tahira
“Could you love one who has been shamed?” My heart breaks at those words, as the first drops of rain fall from above. Tahira, my love… It would be easier to take out my own heart with my two hands and stop it from beating than to keep from loving you. The impulses of my soul are to love and cherish you, to stand between you and anything that would threaten you, to share all whether good or evil. My heart laughs when you are happy, and longs to bring a smile to your face. My heart twists and breaks when you hurt, would give anything to take the pain into myself…God knows I have tried to, and always will. My spirit vows to be steadfast on your side, in love for you, in whatever companionship I can offer, forever. My utmost longing is to make your heart happy, to extend my love to those you love, to be a refuge. To be patience to you. To be the ground soft underneath you, the sky gentle overhead, the stream flowing slowly for you to ease your tired feet. To be a place where a wounded doe does not fear to rest.
You are my heart. Whatever love and affection and cherishing, whatever I have to give is yours.
Aurelian
Aurelian,
Though sleep tugs at my sinking eyelids, I cannot capsize until my words have spilled across this page. Wine from a shattered glass, be careful of the fragments scattered hopelessly across the floor. So are your words, carving themselves into me, each step I take pressing them deeper into the soul of me. I am haunted by your laughter, though it echoes from afar. I wonder, if even my bones would shake with its power, should I feel its joy when entangled in your arms. I dream of your chest, and how it shall shield me from all I fear, a wall, my wall of rest. I dream of your hands, and the way they shall heal me when I tremble, when I cannot find the strength to stand. Still, I am not easily won. I am a silent doe in the shady glade, watching with wide eyes always wary. I have been trapped before. I have been paraded. My skin has been wasted on lesser lips. My innocence scraped away by uncleaned nails. The dress of white I once wore, is stained and tattered, hanging around me as lace. Delicate, lightly spun by misery’s way. Can you love one who has been shamed? Will you patiently lure the wounded doe from her hiding place?
Tahira
Tahira
My heart and eyes blaze through the storm, and my fingers long to trace over your skin and show you the burn of my heart. My heart will match yours, in slow lingering flames lighting our eyes. My shoulders will stand pressed back to yours as we fight and my soul will be fierce to protect you. I will carry you when you break, and I will march over mountains to bring you to safety, I will lend you my own soul’s spark to keep you warm. My desire is for you. Never to bind you or hold you kept or take you captive, but to run with you through wilds. To dance with you in a dance of slow seduction to a gypsy’s violin, flames of fire leaping in time with our circling feet. My desire is to trace my fire softly over you, to kiss your mouth and taste you with it, to bring slow sensual music from your skin and whimpers from your lips with the feather-light gentleness of my burning touch.
My desire is for my spirit to bind purely to yours and for my heart to utterly seduce you.
Aurelian
Aurelian,
To me you are a song woven by the southern winds, tangling my thoughts. Will I meld your melody with my heartstrings? Will your fingers fall in a soft cascade over me, drawing from me sweetest music? Are your eyes stronger than steel, ever blazing in the roaring storms? Will the strength of your shoulders press back to back with mine as together we battle in the middle of invading armies, swords painting the air with silver ribbons, tangling their thoughts. Can you carry me when I am broken, will you watch over me in sleeping? Is your soul like a lion, your spirit like a lamb? Is your romance winsome and wild? Can you whisper the wind into being, capture this wild and hidden heart? I belong to no man, ne’re will I be bound or kept. My bared feet mark trails in wilderness, my hair cut unevenly by a sharp stone dug from a spiraling stream. I left the strands upon the ground, a broken braid no longer able to hold me back. Will your heart match mine?
Tahira
Tahira
Your heart and your eyes are endless, oceans I could be lost in forever. Watching your eyes, I can see the sun setting over the waves, I can feel a heart fathomless and beautiful. I can hear a gypsy’s song accompanying your dancing feet, see your arms and hands stretched to the constellations. My heart sings of you, longs for you.
My love for you is as free as your beauty, as deep as the ocean that sounds in your eyes.
Aurelian
